Willingness And Desire

Willingness and Desire, it sounds like a good name for a romance novel. Truth be told it’s the two most important qualities as addicts we can have in order to seek sobriety, one day at a time. I remember when I first came to the rooms, I didn’t have the willingness nor the desire for sobriety. I felt that I didn’t have any problems. I guess if I could have listened to my shares from those early days they probably didn’t have much substance to them. Then a funny thing happened, I actually admitted I was a sex addict years later and ended up coming back to the rooms out of desperation. Desperation to stop the pain I was in. The second time around I had realized I actually had a problem and it was effecting my life. Thank GOD! I finally had the willingness needed to seach for the solution. I even had the desire to stop acting out. This is all thats needed in order to stop the insanity, willingness and desire. For me, I applaud those who keep coming back to the rooms and haven’t put together long sobriety. I understand their plight, just as they understand mine. They keep coming back because they have a desire to stop acting out and a willingness to show up to meetings. The “crutial two.” Even with my three and a half years these two words are paramount in my struggle to stay sober, one day at a time and I applaud anyone who finds their way to these rooms with their own willingness and desire. God bless you all. TyF

11 thoughts on “Willingness And Desire

  1. Willingness and Desire, man when I came into the rooms I had NO desire. My therapist told me “I don’t care which 12 step program you go into but start one or I will no longer be able to treat you, and by the way I highly recommend SAA.”

    So for me the desire part has been very slim, but the willingness part has been pretty intense. There are some things I resist more than others, but I have come to learn those things that I resist the hardest are ususlly what I really need to be the most willing to look at.

    The questions I ask myself today when I have a desire to act out are;
    “Am I willing to lose my husband?”
    “Am I willing to lose my children?”
    “Am I willing to catch a/many diseases?”
    “Am I willing to let some random stranger hurt me physically or mentally just because he can?”
    “Am I willing to open wounds that have taken 17 months to just BEGIN to start healing?”

    Just for today the answer is a very solid, NO!

    Just for today I have a desire to reach out to another addict. Just for today I am not willing to let my addict kill me just so I can get high/off for just a few minutes and then be in the throws of the hell of withdrawl.

  2. What a great topic. Today I have willingness and the desire to not act out. I think I always had willingness and the desire to not act out, however, it does not mean that I did not act out or slip as I came through my journey of recovery. It has been a hard journey since I came into these rooms over 2 years ago. When I look at my innter circle and the behaviors that brought me in here that I was acting out on a daily basis, that I never thought I could live without nor stop, it is hard to believe that I am living today free from the obsession and compulsion. It is through the willingness and desire that I came through and was able to eventually come to where I am today. Does that mean that I don’t have passing thoughts of acting out or fantasy – no. But what I do with those thoughts is what matters today. I can either sit in obession and let them turn to compulsion or I can use my willingness and desire to not act out and stay sober and continue on my journey of recovery.

  3. Willingness and desire are essential to finding sobriety. I don’t think I felt desperate when I originally came into these rooms of recovery. I just knew that after I joined, I was on the way to recovery from my addictions. I had willingness to recover from my addictions, but not the desire to let go of all my addictions. I still feel I have not let go completely. But a year later, I have come a long way. Bringing more things into my inner circle has been slow. It’s hard to give up addictions I have spent years cultivating. Giving up pot and prostitutes was easy. The other addictions were more difficult because I did not think they were as bad. I did not have the desire to stop going to the beach bar and listening to music. This was my time alone. No one bothering me. Rationalization for addictive behavior. I knew this was wrong because I liked looking at women at the bar. So I stopped and replaced it with conservative gambling-poker. Can’t lose much. Still got the excitement I was looking for. Finally I stopped that as well. I have a desire for recovery, but had a hard time doing it all at once. I still play mixed doubles tennis with women and might have to stop this as well. I am getting closer and closer with my family and spending more time with them. I never thought I would want to spend this much time with them. Because I have a desire to be more sober, I am becoming more intimate with the people who are most important to me

  4. I definitely have the willingness and the desire. I still slipped and I have beat myself up over it but my willingness and desire have become stronger. This journey is not going to be an easy one and hearing everyonehas helped tremendously. I have willingness to fight my addict with the assistance of my wife, kids, HP, SP, and fellow brothers and sisters in the fellowship and I have the desire to keep figthing even when I make mistakes because it is PROGRESS not Perfection

  5. This was also a topic at a recent meeting and I said that the only “desires” I had were to act out. After deeper thought I realize that was my addict rearing her very ugly head.

    I have a great desire to stay sober, otherwise there is no way in hell I would have kept coming back after so many relapses. 17 months later and 37 continous clean days now from my latest bottom line and I truly believe the fog is starting to life and the withdrawal is SLIGHTLY starting to ease.

    Today I have an amazing day planned with my sons and that is so much better than my days behind the computer or with a stranger. Thank you so much SAA!!!!!

  6. Willingness and desire are what is required of me. This is the effort I need to put into the program, so I can turn in over to God. I have always had the desire for sobriety; however the willingness hasn’t been as clear. The desire comes from knowing what I want my life to be – happiness, commitment to family, minimal burdens (that aren’t necessary). I can see the way the program works, and love it. However, willingness is the work part — this is the part that says, you have to make a change (from what you are used to) to get better results. To me it’s like going to the gym. I usually don’t actually enjoy the grueling process of exerting; however I love how I feel afterwards. And I love the results of the hard work. So I need to make sure that that my desires can be meet with me being willing to work a good, hard program

  7. Willingness and desire. I chose this topic tonight because I tonight and lately I feel that I have the willingness and desire to stay sober and not act out. It is through the grace of God and through working my program that I have made it this far. God willing in 2 days I will have 6 months which is something I have never had in this program. The reason I have been able to make it this far is because I have been able to keep myself safe and protected from my addiction and from myself really. I know what my weaknesses are so I use my weaknesses to my advantage. I take them and move them into my inner circle as much as possible. I call this padding my inner circle. This padding keeps me safer and safer. What used to be middle circle behaviors are now inner circle behaviors. Because why risk a behavior that is going to get my mind racing and the trance started. So I do this because I continue each day to have the desire to not act out and the willingness to go to any length. I pray each day for one more day of sobriety. I literally take it one day at a time. I don’t worry about the next week or next month. I just ask my higher power to get me through that day and that has turned into almost 6 months so far. Willingness and desire – two powerful things that have worked for me.

  8. Without willingness there is no program. If I am not willing, then I am taking my will back. And If I am taking my will back, then I am thinking that I know best. And if I am thinking that I know best, then I am probably going to repeat some old patterns that led me to these rooms. And what I have learned is that my best thinking is what got me here. What I have also learned is that it’s time to let others do the thinking for me; at least in early sobriety and as needed as I go on in my recovery. Because I may not always know what is best for me. After all, I am an addict through and through. Even though I am in recovery, my natural instincts are going to be to fall back into my old thinking and old behavior. So it helps to have others around me that have gone before me to guide me along the way, to bounce things off of, to give me suggestions on what worked for them, etc…. For this to work, I need to be willing to listen, willing to follow the suggestions, willing to do the work, and willing to change. I believe that I have been willing and for that reason I am sober today. I pray each day for one more day of willingness and so far one day at a time it works. Thank you Higher Power. This program works.

  9. Sometimes it is all about desire: the desire to not want to act out. Even when I am not working my program as good as I know that I can, I do know that I have the desire to not want to act out and I have the willingness to want to stay sober. So right now when I think about those two things it does help me stay positive and move in the right direction. Because lately I have felt that I need to do more. But I do realize that as long as I have the desire to not want to act out today I am fine. And today that is how I feel. I do feel sad today for various reasons which I will not get into right now. But the thing is I know that I don’t have to act out over it. I need to know that I don’t have to isolate over it either. I have to be careful over that as well. But right now acting out is not an option and I have the willingness to stay sober. So right now I feel good. A good way to end the night.

  10. Willingness and Desire are critical for this program. For me if I was not willing I would not be here today. If I did not have the desire to get and stay sober, I would not be here today. I could so easily be living a life of acting out on a daily basis. I can see it now. It would be dark and lonely and empty. I would be broke, fat, unhealthy and miserable – and lucky to be alive. But I am alive and I am blessed to be where I am because I have been willing and because I have the desire to stay sober. That does not mean that I always get it right. And that does not mean that I don’t struggle or have not picked up a few white chips. It just means that I kept coming back because I wanted a new way of life – and I got it. And I don’t want to lose it. So I know what I have to do on a daily basis to keep it. So I will do what I can each day to keep it. It is worth it.

  11. Some people are motivated “toward” some reward in their future. Others are motivated by wanting to avoid or stay “away” from some painful experience. I have always been more “away” motivated than “toward”.
    But I notice that lately, my motivation seems to be changing to the more positive one of looking forward to a life of peace, balance and happiness. The Willingness and desire to stay sober, not just because of the desire to avoid the painful consequences of that insanity (and we all know what that means) is transforming into a vision of a new life, a safer, happier, more fulfilling life. A life without acting out, but full of the good spiritual and personal things that are now becoming possible.
    Thank you, H.P. and sponsor and support group
    members, for helping to make this transition clearer and easier and possible!

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