Step 2 : Moving on With Hope

I’m in my eighth year of the program and I marvel every day that this power, this great power surrounds me that I fondly call Papa. At the beginning of my journey, my sponsor asked me to put aside what I was told about my religious upbringing and look at this Higher Power thing from a more spiritual angle. I’m glad he suggested that. I was a firm believer in this spiritual energy since I was sixteen and held it close to me throughout my years. It wasn’t difficult for me to accept that this great power could restore me to sanity. That was how I began my journey of recovery.

With my Higher Power watching over me all my waking hours I know I’m not alone in the spiritual sense. “Papa” as I fondly call Him has shaped my life to the level it is at today. There have been tough times to go through when I refuse to listen to His suggestions and great times as He kept reassuring me that the path I was on was true and correct.

Thomas Edison once said, “If there’s a way to do it better…find it.” When I read that I heeded His message and worked at changing my life for the better. One hundred and eighty degrees in the opposite direction I was to go. I already knew the path I was on was not getting me any rewards I could be proud of and I knew that if I had the hope to rely on my HP, He would and could change my life. Hence, my journey began.

5 thoughts on “Step 2 : Moving on With Hope

  1. I have never had a problem believing my higher power could restore me to sanity. It was the own tapes in my head that keep saying I did not deserve to be restored. That is why I needed the meetings so desperately, other suffering and succeeding sex addicts told me I did deserve peace, I did deserve really love, that I did deserve to look in the mirror and see the amazing woman they saw. Took me a long time to see that woman, but now that I do it is hard and harder to “hurt her” and easier to accept my Higher Power wants me restored to sanity.

  2. I like the saying ” G-d helps those who help themselves”. My HP was always trying to help me, even before coming into program. The signs were there but I was so blinded by my addiction I couldn’t see them, much less recognize them.
    Almost immediately after starting my journey of recovery, my HP was guiding me and helping me to heal. Initially through the meetings and my sponsor then through therapy and the 12 Steps. The more work I did, the more open I became to recognizing my problems and accepting his help to heal.

    The willingness to change how I perceived my HP, in turn, began to give me the courage to change the things I can. It was an awakening and a realization that I am not perfect and that I don’t have to do this alone. It hasn’t been easy but, every time I hit a low point or bump in the road (and there have been many) I try to work harder and ask my HP for guidance. Every single time I get an answer, a direction, or progression but I always get what I need, not necessarily what I want.

    Thank you HP for showing me that I’m not perfect and that the only way forward is working hard to change and heal myself.

  3. I am still trying to figure out my higher power, never having been a very religious person. As the years went on, religion seemed less important and more random rules that i didn’t believe in. By losing faith, I think I further isolated myself. I never had close friends and could never really talk to my family other than that things were good. If things were not good, we simply didn’t talk about it. I am starting to believe in a higher power again, now that i have been going to meetings and therapy. The people at SAA and especially my sponsor have been amazing. Right now, that is my higher power. I sometimes wish things were improving more quickly but I definitely see progress. I couldn’t imagine talking to anyone about these uncomfortable topics. Now I am sharing them to a room full of people. My wife and I are talking more now than we ever have. Not all of the conversations are pleasant, but I realize where my passive self did everything to avoid conflict, that I wound up missing out on the intimacy part of our marriage. There has to be a better way, and per Thomas Edison I am going to find it.

  4. Moving on with Hopeā€¦

    Grace is a beautiful thing offered from God. God’s grace is sufficient. I recently had the most sobriety I have had in a very long time which was 22 days. Although to some this might seem of no value but I have just been learning to surrender my will each of these days & this is very difficult for me. I have been so used to tackling all items myself. I’ll figure it out is what I tell myself each time. I thank God for the 22 days of sobriety I achieved through him. I pray & believe there will be more. I find myself in a whirl spin of trying to piece back my rhythm in recovery. Life is the so beautiful when I am in my rhythm of recovery. This is best “high” that I can have not the acting out. I find the topic of “Moving on with Hope” a very good one as this is what encourages me to get away from my family, sit at a Starbucks & review my step work & share my thoughts. It’s only because the grace of God is sufficient enough for me to make the next right choice & the next right choice again. It’s only because of the grace of God that I can tap into the beauty God has created within me. It’s only because of the grace of God that I can see longer sobriety of me turning over my will. I am at a tough place in my step work at step 5 of being sure that I have shared & expose everything that I need to. I have been struggling with taking my will from my part time job, although I have shared it I feel it to be a continual problem. So b/c of this I feel this needs tone handled before I can truly say that i have exposed everything. I am thankful that I can learn from my last behavior & be a better Reggie b/c of it. Today, now, this moment I will “Move on with Hope”. The grace of God allows this for me. The grace grants me the strength to do so, every time, all the time. Recovery here we go!

  5. Whatever is that I was doing before, if I know anything, I know that it wasn’t working. When I first found out about SAA and started my recovery journey 15 months ago I was in denial, egotistical and hopeless. Of course I knew none of those things at the outset but day by day, moment by moment, and even slip by slip, I’ve learnt more about who I am than ever before in my life. More interesting to me has been what I’ve learnt about who I am not, and who I don’t want to be. There are many lies that I’ve been telling myself for my entire life which when faced head on simply vanish. There are aspects of my personality that had remained buried under my false self, hiding away while I protected myself from intimacy.

    The hardest part about this program, and recovery more generally, has been being willing to reach out for help. Being vulnerable. Being willing to accept that I can’t do it alone, and that surrendering to my HP is the only way I’m going to be able to let go of all the pain I still cary with me. I obsess about control, even when I think I’m not. I crave attention, even when I think I want to be alone. I stand proud and confident, when I think that I am okay in the middle of a relapse. The common thread through all of these experience is that I remain thinking, rather that just being. To be or not to be, that is the question – but it is so hard to just be!

    These best piece of advice I ever got, which has been the hardest to follow, is the following: “What is the one most important thing that has to change in order for you to have recovery? Everything.” Thanks for letting me share.

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