Recovery…Why Now?

As I listen & look at my brothers and sisters in recovery one common theme comes to mind…The gratitude that recovery brings with it. “Why now?” might be a question that some people ask themselves as they start their journey. The answer to this question comes in as many varied answers as colors of the rainbow. I know for me the message was extremely clear. If not now then I would have lost my life. That was a critical turning point and the reason for my decision. I knew as clearly as my front hand follows the back that I was on collision course with death. I was going to lose my family, my career, my freedom, my sanity and most importantly, my life. Today I look at this question of “Why now?” and say to myself, “now” is because I am worth it. I have value. Also because I care about my family, career, my freedoms and my sanity. Recovery has been the ultimate teacher in the ways of daily living and living the principles of the 12 steps in all my affairs. Today is the present, the gift I reward myself with as each new day that blossoms. Sure, I still have thoughts of acting out, euphoric recall and triggers; however I know that today I also have my recovery and the tools to lead me on the path of sobriety. Most importantly, “now” I have my higher power who loves and support me and as long as my spiritual connection is running on high then my gratitude for this program and all its gifts is forefront in my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an addict and always will be, but I remember, “Why now?” and smile as my HP leads me on my way.

9 thoughts on “Recovery…Why Now?

  1. Recovery, why now? For me there was no choice my therapist at the time told me she would not treat me any longer and my husband said he would not remain married to me any longer if I did not seek help. I did not want to be at SAA. There are many days still I do not want to be a member of SAA or be a sex addict but I am. I have learned that much in the last 19 months.

    I am a sex addict and I am powerless over sexual things that help me numb out my emotions and my capacity for dealing with my daily life. With that being said SAA and recovery have given me a NOW, when I act out I am definitely not in the NOW I am in the past or the future and I am also definitely not in a place of gratitude when I am acting out.

    Why now? A good question but for me I have to think about if not now when;

    After I lose my husband will that be enough?
    After I lose my children will that be enough?
    After I lose my home will that be enough?
    After I lose my career will that be enough?
    After one of my anonymous meets assaults me will that be enough?
    After I catch a STD will that be enough?

    After my insides are so numb I can’t come back to being a feeling human being will that be enough to come to recovery seeking a daily reprieve from this living hell. Cause that is where I was when I had my “why now?” moment. My higher powered gave me the grace to show me that my alternating emotions of pain and numbness living in the past and fantasizing about the future could be lifted from me and I could have meaningful moments in the now. Why now? Like the previous poster if not now, I don’t think I would be here to share my experience, strength and hope however strong or weak it is at any giving moment. Thank you recovery monologue and thank you to my higher power.

  2. Hi! My name’s Mike and I am a sex addict. The answer to “Why now?” was not that I would lose my life, but that I would lose my wife and children. I also recognized that my addiction mutated and accelerated and that I could no longer “control” it. Not that I ever could control it but I used to have that illusion. Not anymore. I also had to potential to lose my liberty, spending the rest of my life rotting in prison. Recovery keeps me free to spend the rest of my time with my wife and children. I don’t have to lie about my addiction anymore. I can give up my “control” to my higher power and concentrate on my recovery. I want the promises of the twelve steps and to live those principles daily so that once again my life can have purpose.

  3. Once again I am posting because I was not at a meeting today and this is a great option. Also, I like using the internet as a healthy outer circle behavior and this blog gives me that outlet everyday. So, Recovery, Why Now? Why not now? Because my whole life up until recovery was spent in addictive thoughts, selfishness, isolation of sorts, and secrets. Today I don’t have to live like that. Today I have options, I have choices and I have blessings as a result of this program, working with my Higher Power and my sponsor. So now I have recovery because I want a new way of life. Because I want a life. Because I want to participate in life rather than isolate out of life. Today I have a choice and I choose recovery over addiction and I LOVE IT!!!!!!

  4. Why now?
    Good question for me. I have brushed with all of the consequences that should scare away any human with even a minute amount of sanity!

    So for me, now truly is a critical choice. Any other choice beside recovery – family, work, or anything other than recovery – will put me to death.

    My reprieves have been more than most can believe. And now that I am gaining some semblance of sanity, the unbelievable level of my acting out is slowly reaching my conscious awareness.

    It seems to me now that the crazier my actions were, the more delusional my addict had me become. I really began to believe that I was invincible. That somehow I was special because I had made so many “great escapes”.

    But now the price is being paid. The bill has arrived. My account requires settlement. I have damaged my whole family. My wife who has endured incredible suffering, never able to trust a thing I would say about where I was, what I was doing and as a result, a woman, a beautiful woman, was worried sick that she would get the call from the police that I had been shot or put in jail or crashed the car and killed someone. This was her reality. And it was justified given that all these things had been brought home to her by me before.

    I can no longer bear to see her suffer.

    Why now? I can no longer bear to see my oldest son when no one was looking; unconsciously drop in to an expression of excruciating emotional pain across his beautiful face. Pain he never deserved.

    Why now? Because my youngest son shared carefully, privately with my wife, “Why do I have to have a Dad like that?”

    Now I feel that pain. Now I see why recovery needs to be now.

    Now because I want that to change. I don’t want what is probably irreversible to get even worse.

    That is why I am choosing recovery now. The promise is that they too will recover
    as I do. Maybe slowly or slower, but they will if I choose to do so for myself.

    As selfish as it often seems, I must remember that I must recover by putting my recovery first if I am to have any chance at bringing recovery home

  5. At 18 my father kicked me out of the house. “Get a job you bum”…..”control your own destiny son”. And so I did. I thought I was doing alright. Wild, single, compulsive, and living the lie.

    This program has done many things for me that I needed right now. First it let me feel and know my feelings. Before, I was just numb. Second it taught me to understand that some things I cannot change and some things I can. It is teaching me how to realize the difference between the two. This is only important if I am willing to turn over that which I cannot change. Without the willingness it is all meaningless. Like treading water.

    Why recovery? Because nothing else ever worked for me. With the positive energy from this program and the energy I get returned to me from my being able to let go that which I have no control over, I am able to live a different type of life. A life filled with truths, feelings, and the knowledge that there is a way for me to travel that is open and free.

    I have a long way to go, perhaps forever, but it is a step up instead of down.

  6. Recovery – Why Now? Because 4 years ago I was living my life in total addiction. Addiction to drugs and sex. I was living a life of isolation, of selfishness, of self pity and resentments. I was living in fear of who I was. I was miserable and I thought that was how it was and how it would always be. Now I know differently. Being in recovery has been a blessing. Now I know a new way of life. I know what it is like to not live in fear of who I am or live in isolation or self pity. I know what it is like to be free from addiction and obsessions. I love my life today and it is because I am in recovery. So, why recovery now? Because it has made my life better than I could possibly imagine and I would not trade that for anything.

  7. Tonight I just randomly selected a month and this is what came up so I am choosing this topic on which to share and it is appropriate. Why now? Especially now! Because I have normal things in my life not happening and I need to be hyper vigilant with my recovery. It is not easy right now because the routine is not the same and I am a routine driven person. So I need to work out a temporary new routine. But I need to ask my Higher Power to help me so that I can get through this period. I know that I cannot do it alone and I know that I need help from my Higher Power. And I know that I need to pray to keep the help coming. And when I am not in my routine I forget to pray. So I need to stick to some kind of routine, be a new routine or as close to the old routine as possible so that I pray every day and be sure to turn my will over every day. I like where my life has taken me and I do not want to lose what I have gained. So that is why recovery now and that is why recovery tomorrow, but right now I will worry about right now.

  8. Why now for recovery? If not now, then when I ask? How many more years must I live in secret and shame for this disease? No more is the only answer. One more day would be too many. I have shared recently that my state of recovery has been going well. It has, but there is another side to this, and that is the direct relationship with my Significant Other. This disease has affected her more than I could ever say and has taken a large portion of her happy life away with it. Even though my recovery has faired well, she has not dealt with her anger and her pain. It has never been up to me to do this for her. It is her program, and she has finally come out of her isolation and has actively joined a couple of COSA groups. So, now the calm but reserved atmosphere of my recovery has been turned upside down, and I am having to face some anger, questions, and resentments from her. It’s a bit topsy-turvy right now, but I do know that this is healing, however hard it may be. I need to keep my eyes off the floor and remind myself that I am a good person with a bad disease, and that she too needs to talk it out.

  9. Why now? Is a great question for anything we might want to do in life? Now is the only moment there is to do anything. It is the decision to take action, and action is only action when it takes place. In our disease, the decision is to do whatever it takes to transform ourselves to the life promised to us in our big book. There can be no other time to commit to that decision than now – and all the other knows that we discover as moments and days and months pass. We must keep committing in every moment, it must be uppermost in our thoughts and actions. And we must ask for help from our H.P. since we can’t do it alone.

    And the life we want will materialize, as promised.

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