I Am Not My Addiction

I am an addict, specifically, I am a Sex Addict. That doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or that I always do the wrong thing. It doesn’t mean I’m a Sex Offender or a Rapist. Being a sex addict only means I have a sexual addiction. I am not my addiction. My addiction does not identify me, I identify it as a disease of mine. I use to believe that I was a terrible person, who did terrible things and for that, I was a very bad person. I use to believe that my addiction identified me… I was this overly sexual person who hid in the shadows, lied, cheated, and hurt those closest to me.

What recovery has taught me, through God’s grace, is that I have a disease that has a life of its own. One friend of mine explained it as having a “bad roommate in my head.” That basically describes how I view “my addict” like a roommate who rents space in my head… When I see a beautiful woman, it sees a play toy. That’s not right. But I acknowledge the addictive thinking in my brain. It has a mind of its own. Thank goodness today I don’t have to listen to the voice in my head. It’s just a thought that I hear. Like all thoughts, I hear in my head. The difference is these thoughts that my addict in my head tells me are ALWAYS lies. They are never the truth. They tell me I’m a bad person, I have no self-worth, no energy to stay in recovery. These are lies my addict wants me to believe. Thankfully, God has the POWER to relieve me of my addictive thinking. It lets me know I’m loved, have self-worth and I’m a good person that just has a disease. Just like a diabetic…I use the drugs that the doctors give me to put my diabetes into remission. Just like God has the POWER to keep my addiction in remission as well as long as I stick close to him and do His work by helping other addicts throughout the day. Therefore I’m not my addiction. I’m a good human with a disease.

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