Getting Out of my Head

When times go south or when real chaos hits the fan I have a tendency to isolate in my head and forget about the rest of the world. I just took a state exam for my job and
didn’t pass, close to it, but didn’t pass. My whole world came crashing down
around me. I’d studied for this test for close to nine months and then
disappointment. I wouldn’t have been so crushed if I didn’t need the exam to
keep my job, but I do. Right off the bat my addict kicked into gear and started
shouting, “you’re less than, you’re not worthy” and of course my
fragile mind starts to believe the lies being created. Herein lies the truth.
As long as I get out of my head and don’t listen to the negative self talk,
then my addict can’t swallow me whole. I know I’ll need a couple of days to
adjust to the reality of not passing, but it doesn’t mean I’m bad and wrong, it
only means I didn’t pass. So I’m reaching out, outside of myself where my
Higher Power is. My Higher Power has the guidance, wisdom and strength to pull
me through. I love you Papa

18 thoughts on “Getting Out of my Head

  1. As an addict I totally LIVE in my head, the projections, the shoulda, coulda and oughts just about kill me. But just as I have used the rooms as a spiritual foundation, “I will believe that you believe this will get better.” I do that with the self talk also. I am learning how to use other people’s positive voices for me. My own negative situation was not being able to get away from an incredibly self destructive acting out and someone not even in the program was so inscenced and angry when I told them about that situation. It took their anger and their feelings for me to tell myself I am worth so much more. And that is what being in my head means to me, it is that endless tape looping over and over saying, I am worth nothing and no good so just go ahead and kill myself anyway. I have gained so much from the rooms of SAA and while I am in yet another painful phase of withdrawl, AGAIN, I will always be humbled and so incredibly grateful with the love and support I have found from other sex addicts.

    • Getting out of my head….I think I need to be reminded of this every single day…but especially on the weekends. Too much time on my hands. Time to think and not always think positive things. I woke up this morning thinking about my daughter as she was as a little girl – she’s 20 now. I remembered her before I had hurt her. I remembered how close we were and the good times. And I remembered how I lied to her and how I justified my acting out by convincing myself – and telling my wife – kids are resilient. Like me…I was resilient. Like hell. My parents divorce and the subsequent years following it screwed me up hugely! So now is when I need to pray and pray again and again the “Serenity Prayer”.
      And think about the Promises that we read every meeting. I simply have to trust those Promises. Yea…the shoulda…coulda…thoughts are absolutely killing me. They make me nuts! So I’m not going to dwell on them anymore. I need to remind myself of all the things I am grateful for – or need to be – get busy journaling – getting ready for Monday, reading, enjoying the night air, and looking forward to Monday – my next Monday. I know that I’m chosen the last couple days to play this tape, and I can choose to stop playing it. Thanks to God, and the fellowship of the brothers – I have hope for recovery as long as I don’t quit. Every day is an opportunity for me to steer my thoughts to the negative and pointless, or to the positive and transformative. I’ve got to want recovery bad enough to be willing to fill my mind with the things that are going to help me grow and heal. And just for tonight, I’ve decided to want it bad. In the morning, I’m going to renew that commitment for another day. And so it goes. I will get to a better place – one day at a time.

  2. Getting out of my head is something I need to do everyday. Being single and living alone I spend alot of time in my head. It is easy to start to think about everything that I wish I had or that I wish I was doing. Then I stop and think about everything that I do have and everything that I am doing and I realize how grateful I am for the gifts that I have.

    But the real issues arise when something really angers me, or frustrates me, or overwhelms me, or even triggers me. This is when I really need to get out of my head. What I have found to be the best way to get out of my head is get back to a basic or the basics even if it is just for that moment. That means, going to a meeting, listening to a share, picking up the phone, taking someone on pass, anything that takes me out of my own head. What I have found more and more is that I actually leave the issue behind. This is something that I have never been able to do before. Even when I did it somewhat before, left it behind, I would go back to it at some point. But not anymore. I leave it behind and for some reason, it stays behind. Getting back to the basics for even a moment or a night takes me out of my head and away from me long enough to get me where I need to be so that I realize what is right and what I need to do next and helps me realize what is really important. It also helps me see that everything happens for a reason and that everything always has a way of working itself out. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly…

  3. How true. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the simplest and the smartest — reach out, talk to a friend, say a prayer, meditate, journal…or check the lastest file on recoverymonologue. Thanks so much for keeping the network connected…and helping to free me from my own isolation

  4. In my own head also means not to let other peoples voices get into my head. I have had my ass handed to me on a platter for the last two days at work and it is amazingly hard not to let that boil into a resentment. Don’t these people know how much I do….. well Ally you do your job. But that is all it is today. I am addicted to more, over achieving, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work and power…. Today my goal is to find balance, to love myself and to try to listen for God’s voice in my head not my voice and definitely not my addict’s voice.

  5. Our addicts live in our brain, reliving whatever good or bad happened in the past (past tripping as Tolle calls it) or fantasizing about what may happen in the future. (Un)-fortunately, everything happens in the NOW and that is where I struggle to be. As one of my brothers from Onsite says:
    “The past is of NO value to your life today. Assess where you are and how to move forward. The past has no influence on the future…unless you’re a f**king statistician”.
    It’s a struggle, but my focus is to stay in the NOW, to be present.

  6. For me, the best way to get out of my head is to do something for someone else. Program service, 12th step work with other addicts, or just doing something nice for someone in my life without being asked and without expecting anything in return. Sometimes this is a tall order, but when I do it, it works.

  7. I have been stuck in my head a lot these past few days. However, I just got back from dinner with some friends in recovery. What a great time. I usually get asked to go to dinner with them after our monthly meeting and I often don’t go. But tonight I decided to go and I had a really good time. Even though I did not know some of them as well as I knew others, I had fun talking to them and getting to know them better. The bottom line was that it got me out of my head and I felt like a million dollars when I left. And I still feel that way. It was great and is great. I need to remember this feeling and take advantage of these types of things more often so that I don’t get stuck in my head so much.

  8. “Out of my mind, back in 5 minutes” reads a clever bumper sticker meant to give us a laugh. I have heard that if you leave the confines of the mind you get a chance to look down on yourself and see how your higher power sees you. Those moments when your mind races with thoughts that feed addictive behavior are the must avoid thoughts that I cannot allow my mind to ponder. I work at filling my mind with things that feed my recovery. They should be things I learn from which causes frustration and it is through frustration that we learn.
    Working my program is such frustration in that I learn more about myself and sometimes see things that I am not happy to learn but understand how it made me an addict and helps me see clearly how to recover. The fog of addiction begins to lift and all is clear.

    Thanks for reading.

    God love you.

  9. Living in my mind has been a lifelong affair. I often tend to reflect on my past, especially my youth. I have a lot of anger towards my father, as he was an alcoholic with severe mental problems, he was never there for me, and I can honestly say at this time it was because he was stuck in his own head.

    In reflecting or obsessing over this time in my life, I often get caught up in the “what my life could have been” had he been there for me, or “what I could have accomplished” had he encouraged me rather than criticized me all the time. These thoughts tend to bring my addict to the forefront. The pain and anger is so great that I immediately want to self medicate.

    It is amazing how sharp this pain is, even though I have not seen or spoken to my father in 30 years. In fact, I don’t even know if he is alive today.

    I realize now that it is a waste of time to dwell on these things. These thoughts make me bitter at the world and are unproductive, because I cannot do anything about what has been done to me. I can only wake up each day and vow to do my best today, and the best way for me to do that is to surround myself with the people I love, and do for them.

    As I close this thought, it has caused me to reflect on this pain again. The pain is palpable, but how wondrous, good can actually come from this pain. My daughter is a star athlete and a great student. While I cannot nor do I wish to take credit for her accomplishments, I realize that I learned an invaluable lesson from my youth: Be kind to your loved ones. I have spent my time as a father encouraging my child to shoot for the stars and to do her best. Thank God it seems to be paying off. Perhaps I would not have such a clear grasp on this had my own childhood been less painful.

    Food for thought!

  10. Getting out of my head is very important for me. Since the self-talk that comes out of it is always negative, sneering, jeering, and insulting, it never helps me to accomplish anything. It sets up roadblocks.

    To try to nurture myself, to talk kindly to myself, to praise any accomplishment, to not interpret failure as a character defect – all that is to move from my head to my heart.

    My heart understands kindness, charity, generous spirit and concern for others. I just pray that I can have myself added to my heart’s list rather than my head’s list.

  11. Getting out of my head is something that I need to practice a lot. I spend a lot of time alone so it is very easy to get caught up in my own thoughts and that is not good for me. I need to do things to get out of my own head like talk to other people, work with other addicts, do my recovery work, play with my dogs, go to a meeting, work out, etc… I could go on. These are all things that are in my outer circle. As long as I am keeping in my outer circle I am usually able to not get stuck in my head. And as long as I am in my outer circle, I am not in my middle or inner circle. I am not always successful at getting out of my own head, but I am getting better at it and this program teaches me how

  12. I’ve spent most of my life living in my head. I am great at creating fantasies, mental movies, mental arguments, mental confrontations, mental love stories, etc… I’ve conditioned myself to fantasize as a default. Today, when I am driving if I turn on the radio station, my mind begins to project mental fantasies immediately. I will realize it when I am towards the middle of the fantasy. It’s a real pain, always living in the clouds allowing life to pass me by. But thanks to recovery, I have tools that snap me out. I make phone calls, journal, read, do step work, go to meetings, etc… When I am in a funk, I put one foot in front of the other and act as if. I get out of my head by using my tools. I cannot think myself out of my disease, but I could Act My Way Out. A friend once told me that the only thing this disease respects is Action.

  13. I’m finding that when I’m alone, the best way to get my own thoughts out of my head is to put other peoples words into it. So I’m reading a lot. The bible, Christian devotionals, Answers from the Heart…and this morning I reached out to Recovery Monologue! It’s helping me.

    A quote I have in Pinterest says…”Don’t believe everything you tell yourself late at night”. I think of that when I need to get addictive thoughts out of head.
    Thanks or letting me share.

  14. For years and years I lived in my head. Rationalizing conspiring being devious lying to myself concocting stories that I could tell to ,are people love me and like me and want to act out with me. Now in recovery I turn my head off. It’s not easy but I am learning how to do it. I know that the answers the recovery the good things in life I so desperately want all lie in my heart. I am learning to listen to my heart and not my head. My head caused all the problems in my addiction and my heart has all the answers. If I focus on my recovery not my addiction I will succeed. I have succeeded this way. In my heart is where I find God and his strength is always there to help and guide me. So today I listen to my heart I turn off my head and I feel for the first time in decades that I love myself. I can say it out loud. I love you Brian B

  15. sometimes my head can be loud and drown out my good thoughts ,its only through recovery i can tell that addict to shut up .I am not always successful ,and my mind will start to become compulsive and suffocate all the places where god lives in me ,its my job however often to adjust that thinking immediately or be consumed .I have been sad, and filled with regret lately ,these thoughts are breeding ground for the addict ,while i work through my emotions ,i frequently turn down the volume in my head and try and let my higher power in to take away my pain .

  16. My reading today makes me thankful for my relationship with God. I know that my recovery would be totally impossible without being in touch with God.

    I pray to him and with him several times a day and am very thankful that I feel he is watching me all the time and I work my recovery for me and for him, That keeps me focused on doing the right thing because I want to please him and I want to be in recovery every day one moment at a time.

    I am totally serious about my recovery. I know this is not something I can fix or be well in 6 months. This is a lifetime of work and this is a different approach for me and I feel good about my work, my sponsor who helps me understand really how it works and how to work the program. I am in my 5th month and I look forward to progressing one month at a time.

  17. Getting out of my head. Oh how true. AND OH SO DIFFICULT! However, I found that since beginning with therapy and SAA, getting out of my head, which served only to degrade my mental health further. Rumination and isolation – which I thought is what I wanted was actually not the case.
    With getting out of my head, I am learning that I forces me to open the walls I had built and look around at the rest of the world and become more integrated.

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