Happiness is….

You know another year has gone by and all I could think of was what I was happiest about. What truly made me happy? What had I learned from the last twelve months? Believe it or not I was able to put together a little list of things that made me happy. Happiness is a quiet evening with the one I love relaxing while I’m reading a good book. Happiness is knowing that I have nothing to fear because I haven’t lied and need to watch over my back. Happiness is having friends that understand me and support my views without judgment. Happiness is that I can go out on the town and know how act in a crowd with respect. Most importantly happiness for me knows that I have a higher power that watches out over me and guides me on a daily basis. All these little gifts are just a glimmer into a world that I come to understand is where I belong, far away from the trials of addiction. Thank you Papa for all your love and support.

14 thoughts on “Happiness is….

  1. Once again another amazing post. Happiness Is…. When I was a kid my mom had these greeting cards that had little pudgy troll looking kids (in a cute way) and on the card it would say Happiness is…. a hug, Happiness is… a walk with a dog, Happiness is… I always thought that was so ironic because my parents were not happy people, especially my Mom.

    To me I spent so much time numb I couldn’t even figure out what emotions I was feeling. Was contentment happiness? Was love/lust happiness? Was just a lack of confrontation happiness? Was getting attention and compliments happiness?

    No, none of those things were/are happiness those things are their own unique set of feelings, contentment, love, lust, peace, validation but they were/are not happiness.

    I have to agree with the above post,

    ” Most importantly happiness for me is knowing that I have a higher power that watches out over my and guides me on a daily basis.”

    In 1987 I went to my Grandmothers Roman Catholic church to find love, peace and acceptance in other words God a higher power, never did find it there.

    In 1994 I went to a very VERY large “stadium” nondenominational church to get “saved”. I found a lot of light and goodness and I started a relationship with my higher power so in some sense I was “saved” but I had to fall much much further and harder down before I truly experienced and felt happiness.

    1998 I wed in my husband’s Episcopal Church, it was beautiful and I found a physical place that worked for me but I did not work for it, I did not do my part at all, not yet.

    2007 I quit teaching Children’s Church in that Episcopal Church because I just could not stand the hypocrisy of acting out and using and then “teaching” those innocent faces every Sunday. Those innocent faces taught me more than I ever taught them.

    October 29, 2008 my first meeting of SAA, fourteen months later I am finally now starting to feel real happiness, I am not only allowing but praying to my Higher Power to thaw out my numbness and let me feel it all, I have to feel the pain to feel the good.

    Happiness is finally knowing I have my very own Higher Power that unconditional loves and cares for me and will catch me every time I fall and I am still and addict so I trip and fall A LOT ;-)

    Happiness is catching my husband staring at me for no reason, knowing he has fully forgiven me and loves me more today than he ever has.

    Happiness is getting to see my children experience ALL of their feelings and letting them, when they need to, however they need to.

    Happiness is knowing I can call a brother or sister in recovery 24/7 and they will “hold my hand” until the moment/hour passes. Because they have been exactly where I am and someone was there for them.

    Happiness is having a brother or sister in recovery call me…. Call me imagine that.

    Happiness is when now, I logged on the computer to act out tonight, I was bored and frustrated, lonely and little resentful and I didn’t want to use any of my tools I just wanted to troll the internet and get numb. Then I come to my favorite site and see this post. Yeah, Happiness is totally a Higher Power working in our lives.

    Thanks and Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Happiness is being satisfied with who I am. I always wanted to do well in business and just the opposite happened. Instead of being a leader of a company, I am trying not to lose my house. I can blame this on my addictions. I did not need to stretch myself financially, but I did. Now I am paying the consequences. Being a creature of habit, I hate change. Especially when it’s for the worse. So, I hang in there. Stay positive. Take one day at a time. I am learning how to work smarter. I need to forget the past and not worry about the future. Just do the best I can, today. I am learning to except the results of my tribulations and live happier with them.

  3. Happiness is not losing my kids to this friggin disease. I have worked so hard to change my behaviors, not zone out online, and not ignore my boys and their needs. I am trying to learn how to really be there for others and another disease takes one of my sons from me. NOT literally thank GOD, but my older son will probably be transferred to what they call a school center, it is an extremely restrictive environment focused on behavior modification. Maybe it will be the right thing for him. But I am having an amazingingly DIFFICULT time accepting and seeing GODS will in these turn of events. Please pray for me, the feelings of uselessness that this event is stirring up for me is really really pushing my addict to go use and numb out of this horrendous pain.

  4. Happiness is being honest and not having any secrets. Today if I slip, I take care of it right away. Months ago I might slip and it would take me a couple weeks to say something and in the process I might continue to slip or just emotionally slip. Today I don’t want to do that anymore. I may slip, but I know that I need to move on, be honest about it and address it right away or I will slip more, slip deeper and potentially ruin the good things that have started to happen in my life. So happiness is doing the next right thing as much as I can and going to any length, when I finally get there. Sometimes it takes me a while to get there, but I get there eventually – in my time as my sponsor says. But I know that I am moving in the right direction and I know that I feel better than I have ever felt before. And I still struggle with some issues so I know that I need to keep myself safe from them which I am working on day to day. And I cannot leave without saying that happiness is spending time with my dog Lobo – sometimes I think she was sent to me by my Higher Power to get me through this time of my life. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has been my companion for 7 years – there was some neglect there in my active addiction but now there is nothing but care and love and we are closer than ever – I thank God for her every day.

  5. Happiness is seeing my wife smile again
    Happiness is getting hugs and kisses from my children
    Happiness is being in the moment

    Those things that I never could enjoy or appreciate when I was in the fog of my addiction, makes me happy.
    Happiness is being able to help others in SAA by sharing and making a difference
    Happiness is being alive again, thank You G-d for a second chance.

  6. Happiness……….
    Happiness is being sober today and living a life of recovery.
    Happiness is having true friends and not chasing friends like I did in the past. Even if I only have one true friend it is better than 10 friends that are not really friends.
    Happiness is knowing what I am worth today and believing it too!
    Happiness is knowing that as long as I do what I am supposed to do on a daily basis that I can trust that my Higher Power will take care of me.
    Happiness is knowing that there are people around me that I can go to if I need to because I don’t always know the best thing for me – and I can’t do this alone.
    Happiness is continuing to be open to suggestions and continuing to be willing.
    Happiness is being able to stay healthy in my program through good outer circle behaviors like going to the movies or using this blog.
    Happiness is getting a good nights sleeps which I am about to do…Good Night.

  7. Happiness is being sober today. Happiness is having a life today that is worth living and feeling like I am a person that is worthy of that life instead of being worthless. Happiness is having the ability to exercise and take care of physical self. Happiness is having the time to work on myself spiritually and emotionally. Happiness is having the means to support myself when I do not have a job and being able to take the time to find a job and do the things that I need to do without worry of money right now. Happiness is being able to spread the message of recovery to other people who are willing to hear it and to those who are not willing in hopes that when they are willing they will remember what they heard. Happiness is having my constant companion by my side on her four legs ever faithful and always loving me. Happiness is having friends that care about me as much as I care about them and spending time with them, quality time, on a beautiful night like tonight and really enjoying myself. Happiness is looking forward to more times like tonight and knowing that they are there and will happen and as long as I continue to do what I have been doing that my life will continue to move in the direction that it has been moving because my Higher Power will take care of me.

  8. Happiness is being able to use my computer in this healthy way
    and feeling completely safe. It is working my program, working my steps, working with others, working with my sponsor, it is doing all the things that I need to do on a daily basis to keep me sober. That is happiness because if I am not sober I will not be happy. I will be restless, irritable and discontented – I will be miserable. I don’t want that life anymore. 41 years was enough. I look back at parts of my life and think about how I was living it and how I felt at the time and it just feels black and grey and heavy and dark. Today my life feels open and light and airy and full of promise and hope and of good things to come. There are no constraints. It is exciting. This is part of the happiness. Happiness is having a sponsor that constantly supports you. Happiness is having family and friends that support you. Happiness is having myself to support me and believe in me. And happiness is having 4 years sober from drugs and alcohol and in recovery and almost 8 months sober in SAA.

  9. Happiness is….being home after a long trip and realizing that this is where I want to be, that this is where I need to be, that this is where my life is, that this is where I can make a life for myself, where I have made a life for myself, that this is where my recovery is at its best, that this is where my supports are, that this is where I am healthy, that this is where I found my Higher Power, and that this is where I am happiest.

  10. Happiness is spending time with other people in recovery and even though there may be differences in age or interests, there is recovery in common and a bond and a caring that connects us. Happiness is also seeing myself in comparison to other people not in recovery and being grateful for my life today. And realizing that I am so happy to not be living my life the way that I was and am so happy to be living a sober life today. Short and sweet tonight.

  11. Happiness right now is feeling like things are starting to fall into place. Even though I have 2 or 3 more weeks to wait to be able to get back to my full routine, I am starting to work parts of my routine into my day so that I can get back on track. This is very important to me. It is a huge part of staying on track and staying with my program. I am a creature of habit and my routine helps me work my program. So the more I can work it back into my life the more I will be able to stick with what I am supposed to be doing. So today I am happy that things are starting to fall back into place.

  12. Interesting…Why not share on this. One year later than it was posted… I went to the meeting tonight; there were just 4 of us. It was nice. We had an off format meeting and just talked. I liked it. I was disappointed not to see a few other people and it made me sad. It also made me sad not to hear from a few people that I expected to hear from. I spent the evening at home. I was going to do some more work but as usual on New Year’s Eve I fell asleep on the couch and woke up about 5 minutes before the New Year. I guess I am ok with that. So as my first share of this year I was looking for a topic and this one jumped out at me. Rather than think about what is making me sad, I thought why not think about what is making me happy.

    This has been a long year and a short year and an easy year and a rough year. But here are some things that I am happy about:

    This list may seem like it is not about recovery, however, I need to remember that if I was not in recovery I would not have any of these things to be happy about. I would be out using and acting out and miserable. So I have the program and the fellowship and my Higher Power to thank for even having this list…

    Adopting Millie – My new 9 year old dog. She is a sweetie pie and so full of love. I am so glad that I brought her into my home.

    Completing my amends – it was a long time coming but it feels good to have them completed and the projections were not as bad as the actual amends.

    Losing weight – Down to sizes and weights I had only fantasized about. In the best shape of my life at 46 and I could not have done this without being in this program.

    My family – Having family close by in Florida that cares about me.

    Friends – I don’t have a lot, but I do have some. And I have hope for better and new friendships as I continue to work on myself and my program.

    Not having my insane job anymore – I lost my job of 3 ½ years in June. I was talking to a former co-worker today and reminded of how horrible it was for me at that job. It was the right time to leave even though I have been out of work for 6 months. It was a volatile and destructive place for me. I learned a lot about myself and how to balance my life there. But my time was done and it was time to go.

    Meeting new people – With my new work and what I am doing volunteering. I am looking forward to more in this area.

    Embracing my fears and areas where I am not sure of myself – As part of my volunteer work I have to take on some skills that are very new to me and I would usually run away. I am struggling with it at the moment, but I am still pushing myself forward so that I am not afraid of it and so that I can embrace these new skills and am successful at this position.

    Organization – And finally I am happy that I have taken the time over the past few weeks to get myself organized and set up to attack my job search and personal responsibilities based on the marketing plan that I set up for myself.

  13. The healing part of me and my addict are locked in a horrific struggle. The healthy part of me is doing what I need to be doing, on a personal and on a practical level. The addict part of me is constantly harping on me that I’m not doing that well, I screwed up again, that I’m a hypocrite, that what looked like a good thing I did was really flawed, in short, that I’m still the same failure at everything that I was when lost in my sex addiction.

    I have moments of happiness, thanks to the recovery so far, but this constant sniping from the addict frames my progress as a lie. That I still am not completely truthful or forthcoming, still terribly disorganized, still co-dependent, still leading a secret life (not acting out, thank God), but not telling all about me to anyone except my sponsor, therapist and group members.

    My addict revels in this – implying that NO step I am taking can make me a better person, that everything I do is a lie and hypocrisy, that all this effort of recovery is doomed to failure.

    The only solution to this enemy is to put it into God’s hands – to turn it over. Steps 1, 2 and 3. Trust that there is a power greater than myself that cares for me and will lead me out of this swamp of negativity if I only let him. Here it is, God. It’s in your hands.

  14. Happiness. I always thought I was happy but now I realize that everything I thought was real in addiction was just a lie. Living in recovery now has given me such insight as to how horrible and how fake and sick my addiction was. I am 48 years old and just learning to live. That makes me happy but also sad because I wish I had found recovery sooner. But everything for a reason and everything happens the way it is supposed to.

    Today I am happy I have a relationship with God. Without that my recovery would be gone and any other relationship would not exist. I am happy that I have my children still in my life after all I have done to them. I am happy I finally know my grandchildren and they love me and I love them. I am happy my wife still loves me and is still in my life after all the hurt I have caused her.

    It’s not happiness that makes us grateful it’s Gratefulness that makes us happy and I have so many things to be grateful for.

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