One of the most uncomfortable feelings we go through is that part called, WITHDRAWAL. If I wasn’t acting out what was I suppose to do instead? What was I to do? All I wanted to do was stop the pain and acting out was the only thing I knew how to do. But then comes abstinence…“the ability to abstain from inner circle, bottom line behaviors.” Of course I’m then left with a void in time. What am I to do? I didn’t understand what to do until my sponsor walked me through withdrawal. I had such cravings to act out. I had physical aches and pains. I remember feelings of desperation and fear closing in around me. I had become irritable, filled with anger and sometimes had tantrums of rage all because of withdrawal.
My sponsor would just say, breathe, relax, take in the moment. Say the serenity
prayer over and over. I remember feeling that it wasn’t worth it. The pain is
just too great. The truth is, it is worth it, your worth it, I’m worth it and
feelings of desperation and pain shall pass. I kept repeating step number two,
“came to believe a power greater than myself would restore me to
sanity” and then I was told to turn it over to God and let my feelings go.
Let go and let God became my mantra. To this day I still remember those
desperate times in withdrawal, but what I remember most is how good I felt
after “they” left. You’re worth it, and so was I. Instead of dwelling on
the fact I wasn’t acting out I started learning new behaviors, calling my
brothers in recovery, reading step work, journaling, even spending more time
with the one I love. There is an answer to withdrawal; abstinence and beginning
a new life.