One of the truest miracles of recovery is learning how to be intimate with another human being and with myself. Now you’re probably asking yourself, “How do I become intimate with myself?” First we had to learn what the word intimate meant, and then after we learned that we start to follow our hearts and share ourselves with people in an intimate manner. Slowly at first, but as time grew I became more fluent. This was a special time. I was sharing myself emotionally with my wife in ways I never dreamed of while I was in my addiction. We became closer. My sharing in meetings began to blossom with real value. I was allowing my emotional self time to engage with others. This is different from the ways I allowed myself to engage physically with people while I was in my addiction. Sharing one’s heart and feelings has meaning different from sharing one’s physical self in an anonymous hook-up in our addiction. This was a learned trait only while I was in recovery, truly one of God’s gifts. Spending time alone reading a good book or out on a relaxing jog is being intimate with one’s self, even a truer gift.
One of the most natural things to do in the world is to share our feelings. Whether we’re are mad, sad, and happy or glad sharing our feelings is a natural response for human beings. Then there is addiction. That black cloud that envelopes our lives. All of a sudden healthy sharing stops. Sideways sharing begins…we growl at our partners, our children. We kick the dog. I remember becoming the monster my wife became afraid of when I was in my addiction. I scared her terribly. The guilt and shame drove my feelings to dark levels. I lashed out verbally in abusive tantrums. Then a miracle happened, I found recovery and all my shame and guilt slipped away. I began to naturally share once again. Each time the shame and guilt slipped further and further away. The rooms helped me a great deal. I found a safe place to share and be understood. Today I share my feelings and open my heart towards understanding. The gift of recovery.