“Living life on life’s terms.” once a very, very far removed statement while in
addiction. Who knew that today not only would I live life on life’s terms, but
I’d actually understand it’s content. It’s taken me three hard earned years to
get to this level and I’m still crawling. That’s what I love about my recovery,
it’s on God’s terms not mine. I’m just a pawn in His chess game. I’m moved from
here to there and don’t worry about the outcome because I know He’ll take
care of me. Whatever lesson my higher power has in store for me to learn, it
get’s revealed to me somehow, some way while I’m in the process of dealing with
whatever I’m going through. Whether I’m stuck at a stop light and having to
deal with the car next to me jamming on a rap tune or whether I’m at work and
it’s raining and I have to work outside anyway. I know whatever my Higher Power
throws at me there is a lesson to be learned. I’m so grateful I’m at this point
in my life. Finally, I can say, “I’m maturing.” another ghastly term I
wasn’t able to handle. Thank God for my program which has allowed me to learn
these new concepts.
Wow, I remember how hard it seemed to me have to let go of all these ideas; People,
Places and Things. What was I going to do with myself, with all this new found
time, and this new energy? I objected at first…I thought that I could find an
easier softer way of dealing with all these new parameters. The truth was, I
could not. My sponsor was very specific when he read me the riot act, no more
seeing this person, no more going to those places and no more using that thing.
I thought my whole world was crashing in on me. Truth be told, in spite of my
feelings and because my sponsor was a no nonsense person, I caved in pretty
quickly. I saw how important it was to let go and move on. I heard my sponsor’s
wisdom. I chose to use his experience over my own devices. After all, my way
wasn’t working and hadn’t worked for me as long as I can remember. This proved
to be a very important part of my recovery. I had finally realized that if I wanted
to live, there was another way of living. I became committed and let nothing
stand in my way of doing the next right thing. And for all my hard work, God
has seen fit to let me live another day, just one day at a time.
One of the sayings that flies around the rooms is this notion of gratitude. “Why would I even care?” would have been my first thought if I were in my addiction.
Thank God I’m not. For today, and just for today, I can have an attitude of
gratitude. That special spark of wonderment for all the things that keep my
life in check. It is said that a grateful addict doesn’t act out. I truly
believe in this theory. My sponsor is forever stressing this quote and I can’t
thank him enough for reminding me just how important it is to be mindful of our
gifts. I’m truly grateful for his words. What I get most out of being grateful
for my gifts is the love I feel as I recite my gratitude list on a daily basis,
at night, before I fall asleep. I recommend this process because it sends you
off to bed with positive thoughts, a great big smile and a warm heart full of
love. Try this process for thirty days and see if you can’t shift your recovery
to one of an attitude of gratitude.
Whenever I think about my recovery I’m so grateful for the tools of recovery that have helped me stay sober. Whether I’m watching television, at a movie, working out or
something as simple as picking up some groceries at the market, my tools have
helped me through. One tool in particular that I rely on is just turning it over
to my Higher Power. God knows if I was left to my own devices I’d be dead right
now, so I have found that turning it over to God makes everything better. Then
there is the five hundred pound phone which I have found out only weighs an
ounce when I’m in a real panic. Keeping in communication with my fellows helps
me to hear what I might be missing in the moment. I love my fellows, they have
helped me through thick and thin. The last special tool that I keep close to my
heart is a quote from Proverbs 19:20, “Listen to advice and accept
instructions and in the end you will be wise.” God bless you all.
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Feelings, uhhhh. Why do I need to feel? Can’t I just zone out and think about them later? This question was at the top of my list when I was in my addiction. Today, I welcome feelings into my life. Sobriety has afforded me the opportunity to sense things
I never knew existed. I was so good at burying my feelings that, when I first
began to feel after I first got sober, my sponsor had to explain to me what I
was experiencing. I was emotionally inept. Since those days, I now understand
when I’m overwhelmed, angry, sad, truly happy and many more. The best way for
me to describe feelings is to relate them to art. In my addiction, I saw the
world in black and white. Now in recovery and feeling feelings,
I see the world in all her glorious colors. I love my feelings and I am so
grateful for my sobriety. Today I even feel joy. Thank you Papa.
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One of the things that has amazed me the most is, how cruel our disease is,THANK GOD for recovery. Once I recognized I was an addict, I was so grateful I finally had found a group that understood me. I wasn’t judged, I wasn’t looked at as if I
was the devil’s pawn. I was welcomed into a fellowship with open arms. Sex
addiction is one of the most heinous of all the addictions. It rips out your
soul, it tramples your self esteem, and it leaves you emotionally bankrupt. I can’t
say enough about S.A.A. A family of fellowship that embraces me spiritually,
psychologically and emotionally. S.A.A. has made the difference in my life. I’m
so grateful for my fellowship. The best part is all I have to do is remember
that it’s just one day at a time. I hope everyone enjoys this blog as much as I
do and finds peace and serenity in its words. God bless you all on your